Just a rather amusing thing I found on spacebattles.com, which is going through a "lets pick on Harry Potter phase".* This is the summary to the following scenario, written by a poster called Aratech, and is rather lolzorious.* I wasn't going to post it here, but then I remembered that Cadellin claimed that the Harry Potterverse were actually competent...
Potter Vs. SWAT vs. Predator team.
A group of fifty Special Weapons And Tactics team members is assaulting Hogwarts from the rooftop. At the same time, a group of five veteran Yaujta hunters makes their way into the castle dungeons. The SWAT team is under orders to investigate suspicious activity regarding a ?mutant training center,? while the Yautja are just looking for a decent hunt.
First, we must define their assets.
Hogwarts-
Approximately one thousand students of varying degrees of magical talent.
Approximately thirty professors, again of varying degree of talent and power.
One half giant, and an oversized boarhound.
SWAT
Fifty troopers. It is logical to assume that they will have their standard load out, meaning that their weapons will be split evenly between shotguns, submachine guns, and carbines. Specifically, let us assume that nineteen will be carrying MP5 SMGs, another nineteen M-4s, and ten will be carrying Benelli M1014 ,12 gauge combat shotguns. Additionally, half of the M-4?s will be modified to carry underslung breeching slugs, and half of the SMG carriers will have ballistic shields. Two men will operate as snipers to help with securing the ingress zone.
In addition to the pistols, flashbangs, breaching charges, and other stuff, the SWAT team is also carrying a number of dart guns and rubber bullets to sedate wizards for questioning.
Predator Team
These Veteran hunters have arrived in the bottom of the castle via the sewers. They are armed with their usual load out, meaning their plasma casters, wrist blades, combi-sticks, smart discs, shirukens, net guns, spear guns, garrotes, armor, helmets, cloak generators, and, of course, wristwatch nukes.
Now then, outcomes.
Potter Fanboy Fantasy (otherwise referred to as PFF)
The Wizards detect the enemy forces before they even enter the grounds, and with a single thought, turn both groups into piping hot mugs of British tea.
Combat time: ten seconds. Hogwarts casualties: Zero
Writer scenario (If Rowling was behind the wheel)
The SWAT team busts in through the top of the castle, methodically working their way down to the towers. However, it is not long before they start to meet resistance. Spells fly from teachers and students alike. SWAT members drop from stunning spells or have their guns torn from their hands. Some teachers and students are wounded, but the puny muggle weapons create little more than flesh wounds, and the sturdier members keep fighting regardless.
Eventually, the dream team shows up, and as Potter and company join the fray. Harry uses his uber quiddich reflexes to expertly dodge around the shots of the SWAT team, all the while yanking guns out of their hands or stunning them. Ron and Hermione head downstairs to check out what?s going on down there, while Ginny stays up to help the rest of the Gryffindors fight the good fight.
She too manages a decent defense. However, one SWAT member gets the drop on her, and a pistol round clips her arm. The scene slows as she crumbles, crying out as blood starts to flow. In a rage, Harry turns and blasts the man off his feet, knocking him out cold. Spurred on by this, he quickly trashes the rest of the SWAT team, who are promptly obliviated and shipped back to wake up in some forest with a major headache.
The Predators, meanwhile, have had trouble getting into the Slytherin common room, but anyone caught outside the dormitory has been hurt badly, although no one is dead yet. Ron and Hermonie arrive quickly, and take not of the situation. Calling upon the quantum singularity of her mind, the girl quickly deduces not only what the creatures are, but what they are most vulnerable too. Working together, she and Ron quickly drop the five hunters. The last one attempts activate its nuke, but Hermonie?s magical education has granted her an understanding of how this weapon works. She shuts it down just as it reaches ?01? on the timer.
Casualties: limited to a few minor wounds that Pomfrey soon fixes up.
Realistic Scenario
The SWAT team will move in via helicopter. As per their SOPs they move in at night. A couple of Prefects are patrolling the rooftop to make certain that no one is up to mischief, and while they cannot see the camouflaged choppers, they can hear them. Confused, but expecting trouble, they draw their wands and prepare themselves for what they think will be a Death Eater attack. Both of them get a tranquilizer dart to the chest from the snipers and drop to the ground, out cold.
The troopers make their way to the roof, securing the Prefects and putting them on board another chopper meant to haul prisoners. It moves off to a safe distance as the sniper?s take up positions. The rest of the team forms up into squads, and the men with shields take point.
They maneuver down the stairs quickly. Prefects out on night watch duty are quickly incapacitated and hauled back up to the roof. By this point in time, some teachers have been awakened by the commotion of the helicopters, and have emerged from their rooms to investigate.
Mr. Filch is the first one to stumble across a SWAT team, approximately three corridors over from the Ravenclaw dormitories. The teams are checking the walls to see if there are hidden passages, as they?ve noticed that there are far more towers than there have been passages up to them.
He?s dropped to the ground by an expertly placed shot, but his cat, Mrs. Norris, leaps up to attack one of the men. She?s swatted aside harmlessly, but her yelp as she hits the stone wall awakens a painting. The occupant takes one look at the scene, and screams bloody murder.
Most of the castle is soon alerted to the fact that all is not well. Students, curious, emerged from their dormitories. Some inevitably come across the muggle force. Startled and sleepy, they too go down swiftly. One or two who remembered their wands manage token resistance in the form of a stunning spell or two, but the SWAT team?s ballistics shields stop them cold. Shocked and horrified by what they are seeing, the painting occupants are racing through the tower, warning everyone they come across of what is happening. The teachers scramble to get to the dormitories to check on the students.
To their horror, they discover that one of the teams has forced its way into the Hufflepuff dormitory and are dropping the terrified students with suppressive fire and flash bangs. Flitwick and Vector attempt to fight their way in, but two of the SWAT members are holding the entrance while their comrades go to work. One of them has a ballistic shield, and is using it to cover himself and his fellow muggle. A tranq dart catches Vector in the abdomen as she spins around into the portrait hole to take a shot. Watching her fall, and the screams of the children, prove too much for Flitwick. The diminutive teacher lets his rage boil over, and his next attack changes the course of history forever.
Two words are shouted, and a burst of green light comes form his wand. The SWAT member carrying the M-4 is hit where his armor doesn?t cover. With no trauma plating or Kevlar in the way, the deadly curse does its work. He collapses, dead before he hits the ground. His surviving comrade drops his dart pistol, grabs his MP-5, and sprays the dueling champion with a six rounds burst of rubber bullets, staggering him backwards. He falls to the ground, doubled over in pain and unable to breathe.
The SWAT coordinator, out in a patrolling chopper, is horrified to hear that a member has been killed by a ?burst of light.? He authorizes the use of Lethal Force. The team members cover each other as they swap out, exchanging their rubber bullets for deadly 5.56 millimeter armor piercing rounds.
A Prefect in the dormitory attempts to a stunning spell, but before he can fire it off, a three shot burst catches him in the chest. Bones shatter, organs rupture, and blood goes everywhere as the boy flies backwards. He lands with a sickening thud. Hell breaks loose after that. Whatever semblance of calm was among the younger students flies out the window. The shouting is heard by the paintings, who scramble to tell the teachers that the muggle invaders have student killed a student.
Meanwhile, in the dungeons, the Yautja party stick close to one another. They move in the shadows, silent and unseen. A Slytherin Prefect, worn out and half asleep, walks down the corridor.
?Ug, if I have to sit next to that mudblood one more time.? She says.
She never even feels the garrote that she walks into.
The massive creatures sense that prey is close, but they can?t spot a way, not on thermal vision at any rate. They switch through their various viewing modes, still unable to locate what they can smell and faintly hear. The pack leader, though, has an idea. He recorded the human?s words right before she was killed. Flexing his vocal cords and staring at the read out on his HUD, he repeats the sentence in a perfect imitation of her voice. Nothing happens, so he says it again, louder this time. Still nothing. He almost shouts it while his comrades hide.
This does get a reaction. A portion of the walls slides open, and a pale hair male steps out.
?Parkinsy, what the hell are you??
That?s as far as he makes it before a pair of two foot long blades drive themselves upwards into his gut and pin him to the stone wall behind him. He hears screams, and looks inside. There are a few humans there, their mouths open in shock. Feeling a tad sporting, the pack leader decloaks himself, and lets them gaze upon him. Eight feet tall, covered in scales and metal armor, with glowing, demonic eyes, he is a sight to behold.
His younger pack mates rush in, and what follows is an orgy of death. The two fat one go down without a fight. One is shot through the chest by a caster, the other one decapitated by a smart disc. Another girl attempts to fight back, and gets off a stunning spell. She hits the pack leader, but the creature seems to ignore the red bolt of energy. Still staring into the eyes of the dying male, he twists and fires his net gun. The girl tries to dodge, but doesn?t clear it. She?s pinned to the wall, and tries to escape. Then she hears a whining sound, and realizes the net is tightening. A second later, she screams as she realizes that the net is made of a fine metal, and is slicing into her skin. The pack leader just chuckles, and then realizes there?s a metal badge on the boy he?s impaled. Grinning, he takes his grizzly trophy.
Two of the Yautja rush down a corridor. They reach a door and kick it open. The wooden structure flies off its hinges and smashes to the ground. The students within awaken just in time to see to blurred forms rush in. The blood of every one of them stains their beds within the next six seconds.
Upstairs, another SWAT division has located the Ravenclaw dormitories, but they?re being held off by a group of Prefects, who are dug in and waiting for them. One man is down, bleeding heavily from where a curse sliced his chest open. A team member works frantically to stop the bleeding with his med kit.
A flash bang is hurled through the entrance. Some of the students of pure muggle heritage dimly remember what it is, and duck down behind whatever cover they can fine. Those not of such linage stare on and wait for the next assault.
A blinding flash and the roar of a jet engine fills the room, and they fall backwards, writhing in agony on the ground. Seeking to press the attack, the team moves in, the shield carries in front. They spray automatic bursts into the room. The bullets tear through the chairs the students are using and then into their bodies. They scream and fall. Some thrash around, but others stay silent. The team moves in and spreads out. Two cover the stair way up, while two more keep the entrance held. Four move to secure suspects. Ironically, the ones to survive are those who were blinded by the grenade.
More teachers arrive, and they unleash unforgivable curses upon the SWAT team. Those with shields attempt to provide cover, but the medic is cut down as he tends of his comrade. Enraged, another muggle throws a flashbang, while a man places a Benelli M1014 out from behind cover and lets out a murderous barrage of pellets. The two instructor go down.
The Snipers up on the roof suddenly get in on the action as they notice a silver haired woman streak away on a broomstick. They stare at the spectacle for a second or two, stunned. Then they take aim. The woman is smart, she weaves and dodges about. Bullets hiss past her, and then one hits her in the leg. The bone is shattered by the high powered round as it tears through and keeps going, but she manages to hold on and keep moving. One sniper calls in a chopper, which quickly picks him up. They take off after her.
They?ve caught up quickly enough, and the sniper brandishes his weapon. The response is a bolt of green energy. He barely ducks out of the way as it flies through the chopper and blows out a window. He replies with a bullet. She falls off and streaks towards the ground.
But she?s done her job. The people in the small village below have been alerted to the fact that there is something going on at the castle. They quickly call the Ministry of Magic to inform them of what?s going on.
The Minsitry already knows, however, as Dumbledore informed them that there was an incursion as soon as casualties began to be reported. The wards around the school were then dropped and those who could apparate told to flee.
The battle is not going well though. Two more members of the SWAT team are down, and Professor McGonagall has secured the Gryphindor common room for the moment. Using floo powder, the students are being evacuated as quickly as is possible. It takes time, though, and the SWAT team is just outside. The determined old woman moves to hold the entrance, determined to give the children as much time as possible.
The portrait covering is blown open seconds later by a breeching charge. The students are still trying to escape, and several Prefects move down to aid their leader. Automatic fire drives everyone to the ground, and they fire off stunning spells, slashing hexes, and the occasional unforgivable. Two men are hit, and stumble to the ground, unable to rise up. They groan and begin to remove their ammo.
The students are almost clear, but then a flash bang enters. Again, enough are disoriented for a shield carrying to move in and get a foothold. Two prefects die in the next second as armor piercing bullets core them.
Then a roar of rage reaches their ears. They turn to see a giant man filling the hallway. He levels a massive crossbow at the intruders, and fires. A SWAT member is hit and crumbles to he ground, coughing up blood inside of his helmet. The response is immediate, and a barrage of bullets hit the man. He staggers, but amazing remains upright. Another three seconds of gunfire finally brings him down.
But his sacrifice has bought the Gryfinndor?s the time they needed to evacuate. With the younger students gone, the Prefects teleport out of the situation. McGonagall follows, knowing that she cannot break through the fireteam.
Down in the dungeons, the Slytherin?s have been all but wiped out by the Yautja attack. Bodies lie impaled and decapitated, others charged beyond recognition or staring up, glassy eyed with massive holes in their chests.
Then a yautja drops without a sound. His partner twists and sees a dark haired adult with a wand out. The hunter dives to the side as a second bolt of green energy tears past him. He fires, and a white hot bolt of plasma streaks towards the individual. He moves to evade, but the fast moving shot catches him in the shoulder. His robe catches fire, and he grunts in pain. A second shot connects, and blasts him full in the chet. A living torch, he somehow manages to summon the power to cast one final curse. The Yautja, not expecting it, take a killing curse dead to the chest. It smashes to the ground, dead.
The wizard?s agony ends as the pack leader comes back into the common room and fires a third bolt.
The SWAT team is attempting to pull back with as many captured students as they can, but now Ministry Auror?s are dropping in. The firs few waves appear in the open, wholly unprepared for what they are about to face. They?re cut down in seconds by automatic fire. The wizards back at the ministry understand what is happening, and instruct the combat wizards to begin moving into random locations. Caught of guard by the scattered attack, the SWAT teams lose three members to killing curses before they adjust their tactics. As they hook back up, they form into a double ended phalanx. Men with shields cover the front and rear of the formation as they retreat to the roof.
More Aurors appear, these ones take cover, but the sheer volume of fire that the muggle assault team dishes out overwhelms them. The SWAT commander is directing the operation and sends his choppers back in to pick up the survivors.
A quartet of Aurors appear on the roof, and are surprised to see the flying machines. They stare at them, open mouthed. Distracted, they don?t see the sniper until it is too late. Two die instantly, the rest try to figure out what?s going on, and are then slain.
They soon withdraw, and head off into the night.
More aurors port in, but all they find are bodies. Some go to check on the Sltyherins, but the first two teams never report back.
When backup arrives, they find a slaughter, with the only clue being a strange, five bladed weapon stuck in one of the dungeon walls.
End results
SWAT Team- 10 dead, 3 wounded.
Yautja- 2 dead, 0 wounded. Hogwarts- More than three hundred and sixty students are dead, and almost seventy five percent of the staff has been slain, in addition to dozens of Ministry aurors. Cries of outrage come from all ends of the wizarding community. Dumbledore is forced to resign, as is Minister Fudge amidst a storm of wild accusations. The only silver lining is that the Grypphindor students and Professor McGonagall managed to escape without harm.
An announcement the following day from the Muggle government announces the discovery of an ?insidious terrorist threat? within the heart of their world. Of people with the power to control minds and kill with a word. Admits the rising hysteria and arms build up, they announce that any ?mutant? who comes forward with information about their fellows will be given amnesty and protection. Tired of centuries of being treated as something between ?second class citizen? and ?scum not worthy to clean a Pureblood?s boots? some muggle borns invariably defect. The Hogwarts students are kept at undisclosed locations and questioned extensively, along with the staff.
The Yautja, meanwhile, concern themselves with honoring their two comrades, and tending to their new, rather massive, collection of skulls, and tell themselves they must inform the rest of the clan about these unusual humans.
Did you read the Scenarios?* Especially the difference between the Rowling version and the realistic, third version?
Here's a tip.* The Killing Curse canonically has less penetrative power than a 9mm pistol, given it can't shoot through tombstones, a terrible firing rate, and the users are almost unanimously idiots.
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